FAREWELL TO JZ FROM KM:
February 19, 2006Jimmy Zerda – Calliope actor, client, colleague, teacher, coach, mentor, and friend – passed away on Friday, February 17, 2006. He was 24 years old. As I write this, I am filled with overwhelming sadness, shock, grief, and numbness. Jimmy was not just one of the finest actors Calliope SA and LA have ever had the good fortune to manage, he was my buddy… my chum… my pal. The hole in my heart and the loss of his presence are palpable. I am having a hard time accepting the reality that he’s gone. My heart feels the same as when I lost my grandparents.
Jimmy was planning to go back to Los Angeles in the fall for episodic season. He was scheduled to teach a weekend workshop for Calliope actors in March. He had been coaching large numbers of Calliope talent for theatrical auditions in Texas, and was so proud of the fact that he coached young Aidan Vitella for a prominent role in an independent film (which Aidan booked). Jimmy was collaborating with Frank Matthews to open a coffee shop in Austin for artists, actors, and musicians. His goal was to have a branch in Texas and one in LA, so he could travel back and forth as he pursued his career in entertainment. He was booked for several days on the Friday Night Lights pilot, and had several indie projects in the works (as actor and producer). Jimmy had an extensive network of friends, colleagues, peers, and students.
I vividly remember the day I met Saint Jimmy Z. I was preparing and training 45 actors for participation in the Mike Beaty Expo. We were in the middle of rehearsals in Calliope’s training studio. I ran into my office for whatever reason, and discovered this clean-cut, bright-eyed, wet-behind-the-ears, 18-year-old kid sitting on the floor. He had his backpack with him, and was patiently waiting for the opportunity to speak with someone. When I saw Jimmy, I asked, “Can I help you?” He replied in earnest, “Yeah… I heard about this showcase you were doing, and I was wondering if I could do it, too?” I was slightly amused, and immediately impressed. I answered, “Sure… we’re in the middle of rehearsals right now. Come on in!” I introduced Jimmy to the other actors, and he immediately made friends with everybody.
Our troupe production number was called Bang!. Jimmy jumped right into the rehearsal process, even though we were already two weeks into preparation. The performance piece was about a big party and all the crazy characters that come together to make a celebration fun (something Jimmy knew a lot about…). We immediately created a role for Jimmy as the pizza guy. This shy, preppy, low-key kid suddenly transformed himself into a dorky, fun-loving, spastic, dancing fool who allowed himself to get chased around with a whip by the requisite dominatrix character, while balancing pizza boxes over his head.
Despite the fact that Jimmy came into the picture late, he caught up immediately and went on to win Overall Teen Actor at the MB Expo, beating out over 100 other actors in his category. He won a huge trophy and got lots of agency callbacks, yet he was completely modest about it. He didn’t want to upstage his peers.
Soon after the Expo, Jimmy packed his bags and moved to Los Angeles. He was determined from the outset to get to LA, and instinctively knew the steps he needed to take to get there. He did everything correctly, right from the beginning. He trained extensively, reproduced a repertoire of character headshots, and delved into the independent film culture like a man on a mission. When a prominent LA agent solicited Jimmy, he was determined not to burn bridges with his current representation. We worked out a deal where he would pay double commissions (out of his own pocket) in order to create a win-win situation for everyone.
Jimmy also worked in Calliope’s LA office. I had to let him go after 9/11, but he took it in stride and was very supportive and cool about it. During his stint working for Calliope LA, he was responsible for stuffing large envelopes with headshots and drafting submission letters for casting directors. At the time, there was an actress whom he was crazy about, and he would slip her headshots into the submissions. Another staffer clued me in to his antics, but I could never get mad at Jimmy about it. It was actually very sweet of him to want to help her out.
This is not to say that Jimmy didn’t get my wrath at times! During the year that Jimmy worked for Calliope LA, I was in the early stages of a decade-long regulatory crusade, the economy was suffering, I was recently divorced, and I was maxed out from the stresses of traveling and running two businesses in two states. Jimmy witnessed a few of my meltdowns, and he was in the line of fire more times than not. He always maintained an even keel in the office. He never judged or questioned me, never threw attitude, and never complained. That was Jimmy… loyal to the core.
As an actor, Jimmy was the most loyal professional with whom I’ve ever been blessed to work. In show business, not only is loyalty unexpected, it simply doesn’t exist. I always had an idyllic vision that loyalty could exist in show biz, but after losing clients and commissions, I… like every other LA agent and manager who had been around for a while… I had become jaded with the notion that no actor and agent/manager were capable of sticking together. I had begun to think that loyalty was a myth. But Jimmy proved that myth to be untrue. He was steadfast and true-blue from the beginning.
Jimmy never complained or questioned Calliope or his LA agency when he wasn’t auditioning. He never melted down when he was called for a same day audition on the other side of LA County. In fact, he never missed a same day audition on the other side of LA. [I think his record was something like 20 minutes, when he had to go from the Valley to Santa Monica immediately... and he made it!] He never asked for an audition time to be changed, unless he had another audition or booking going on simultaneously. He did everything Calliope and his LA agent asked him to do. When he was asked to reshoot, he did it. When he was asked by his agent to train with so-and-so, he did it. He took casting director workshops and developed relationships with the movers and shakers. Jimmy didn’t mess around.
For a while there, Jimmy went out on a gazillion commercial auditions in a row. He always got a callback, and he was placed on avail like forty-something times (he kept count). On one occasion, Jimmy was scheduled to take a cruise with his family, and casting was waiting until the last minute to make their selections. Jimmy had flown to Houston to board the ship, and was prepared to fly back to LA. When I called him to release him from his avail, he was literally boarding the ship, all the while anticipating that he might have to de-board immediately.
Jimmy was released from his avails as many times as he was placed on avail. I know it was hard for him to ride this roller coaster. For each and every callback and avail, we knew he was getting that much closer to booking a really big gig. The reality is that no one gets forty-something avails in less than two years. It just doesn’t happen. But with Jimmy, it did. Jimmy intrinsically trusted that his mettle was being tempered and that he was developing an inner strength that he knew he would need to possess for long-term success in show business. He was so good at understanding and embracing the building blocks.
Jimmy always knew what to bug his agency and management about, and what he needed to handle on his own. He never bitched about anything – ever. He was a dream client. He always expressed gratitude, respect, and support for Calliope, his LA agents, and myself. I never, ever had to hold his hand, stroke his ego, or struggle with any bullshit. And I never gave him any shit either, because he never made me feel like I had to prove anything to him. We always saw eye to eye. He knew how to utilize management. Jimmy did not come to Calliope for anything and everything. In fact, he was quite sparing about taking up our time. I consistently encouraged him to call more often and not feel as though he were wasting our time. But when Jimmy needed to call on management, he knew exactly when to do it. He challenged me as a manager, because every time he called on my services, it was for something timely, important, necessary, intricate, creative, and shared… it was always relevant stuff that constituted and reflected a kick ass synergy in our partnership and collaboration. I continually bragged that Jimmy was the perfect example of the manager/talent relationship. With Jimmy, I felt like I was doing my best work. He made my job easy… challenging… fun… rewarding… and most importantly, he made my job hopeful. He was an important part of my future as a talent rep. He was the perfect talent… the perfect client… the perfect actor… the perfect friend… the perfect person.
Jimmy and I hung out every now and then, both in LA and Texas. He was fun to be around, and he always made me feel kind of peaceful. We went out for sushi a lot. Jimmy usually insisted on picking up my tab, which was always a treat and showed just how much class he had. We saw Fahrenheit 9/11 together and cried silent tears. Jimmy sang the coolest karaoke rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody at the Universal Hard Rock and that Mexican joint in the Valley. At one of his Christmas parties, Jimmy served two versions of his grandma’s famous eggnog in big punchbowls. Both formulas were very strong. It was the best eggnog in the world! I insisted on getting the recipes, which he emailed to me as promised. One time Jimmy was having a party and I overflowed his toilet. He was real cool about it, and we had a good laugh while cleaning up his bathroom. His floor was pretty hairy, and I gave it a good mopping. Jimmy never missed a Calliope gathering or event, whether in LA or Texas. He was always there to show his support and have a good time.
Jimmy had great taste in music. He surprised me with eight CD mixes, and named them “To KM from JZ, Volume 1 – 8.” [He always called me KM.] He painstakingly labeled each one with the artists and titles, and admitted to me that he spent all day making the mixes. I was so impressed and grateful. Just last week, I had pulled the CDs because I was planning to burn a “Best of JZ” mix. JZ was into obscure artists such as Innocence Mission, Blur, Wall of Voodoo, Urge Overkill, Lions and Ghosts, Love, Smoking Popes, The Left Banke, This Mortal Coil, Pure, Superdrag, Jump Little Children, and Manic Street Preachers. He also included artists we both dug, like Depeche Mode, David Gray, Duran Duran, Sinead O’Connor, the Beastie Boys, Echo and the Bunnymen, The Cure, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Love and Rockets, and Bob Mould. I think Jimmy was born in the wrong decade, as evidenced by the inclusion of artists such as the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Cream, Queen, David Bowie, Iggy Pop, the Sex Pistols, the Kinks, the Clash, XTC, Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath, Cheap Trick, Scorpions, Ratt, Dramarama, and Nirvana. My favorite song from all of the mixes is a beautiful and ethereal rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” by Tori Amos, because that’s where JZ is right now. This is the song that pushed my grief from my throat to my eyes.
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high… there’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true. One day I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me… where troubles melt like lemon drops, way above the chimney tops… that’s where you’ll find me. Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow… Why, oh why, can’t I?
Near the end of 2005, Jimmy and I went for sushi and strategized about his acting career for the New Year. We discussed his many characterizations and his chameleon-like approach to character development. Our goal was for him to avoid being stereotyped and narrowcast, especially since he planned to pursue both the Texas and LA markets. Jimmy drove me back to the SA office, where we sat in his car for a few minutes. I told him he was such a pleasure to work with, and I insisted that he call Calliope and myself at anytime. Jimmy said he knew we were busy, and didn’t want to bug us. I told him the kind of work we did together was what the management/talent relationship was all about, so he was worth every minute of our time. I also told him that out of anybody I had ever worked with, I knew he was going to make it. It wasn’t a matter of “if,” it was a matter of “when.” He nodded his head, smiled, and said, “Yeah, I feel it too. I am gonna make it.”
When Arky told me about Jimmy’s passing, I immediately thought of my family. I called my Grandma, my dad, my mom, and my sister. I’ve renewed promises of friendships. I’ve told people that I love them and that I am there for them. We have to value the little moments and be support systems for which others can rely upon when they’re in need. We cannot let ourselves get to a place where we don’t feel we can share with others our intimate pains. Three days before Jimmy passed, he found out that Aidan booked the film. Jimmy called John at Calliope and said, “I was driving along and wanted to talk to somebody about Aidan’s booking. I didn’t think anyone would care about one of my students booking a movie, but I knew you would.” The next day, Jimmy called Aidan to tell him he was a special kid, and encouraged him to keep doing what he was doing.
What Jimmy may not have known was that everyone cared about him. Jimmy commanded our respect. He induced smiles, laughter, and love in all of us. Everybody looked up to Saint Jimmy Z. He was a mentor to a lot of actors. He always brought people together, and we were always our best selves when we were with him. We all know that old saying, “It’s better to burn out than to fade away.” Jimmy certainly went out in a blaze of glory, but he left behind memories and lessons that will stick with us forever. This was the legacy he willed to us, and he’s bound to know that by now.
Jimmy’s final words to me were “be well.” This is the best goodbye I could ever receive, and a lesson that will resonate with me forever. I will miss him more than words can express. My heart is shattered. Farewell and Godspeed, JZ.
I love you deeply,
KM
Kristy Martin
MA/BA/AA/AAS
CEO/Manager/Producer/Instructor
Calliope Talent, Model, and Artist Management, LLC (San Antonio)/License #275
Calliope Talent Management, LLC (Los Angeles)
www.calliopetalent.com
